As June comes to a close, I want to continue celebrating fathers and providing resources for men. Someone recently asked why I focus so much on men’s issues. My response? Because we have them, and for too long, we haven’t had healthy opportunities to discuss them. Growing up, I wasn’t taught to acknowledge my emotional, mental, spiritual, financial, and physical vulnerabilities. Admitting these has been a learning journey for me. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m actively working on myself.
This blog is about the importance of genuine connections for men—not romantic ones, but real, meaningful bonds with others. Despite what some might think, I’m a social introvert. While I enjoy advocating for others and seeing them happy, I often prefer quiet time at home. However, I deeply value authentic relationships, especially with other men.
Social isolation can hit men hard, leading to issues like depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts. Research shows that socially isolated men often report lower life satisfaction and higher psychological distress. Isolation can also worsen physical health problems, such as heart disease and high blood pressure. This makes it crucial to address men’s social isolation.
Genuine connections are essential for fostering growth in various aspects of life. Here’s how:
Intellectual Curiosity: Friends and mentors expose us to new ideas, sparking intellectual curiosity and lifelong learning.
Emotional Regulation: Supportive relationships help us manage stress and emotions, promoting mental health.
Spiritual Growth: Deep connections enhance our understanding of personal beliefs and values, guiding us on our spiritual journeys.
Personal Accountability: Close connections encourage us to set and achieve personal goals, fostering growth and responsibility.
Connecting with other men boosts self-esteem and confidence. Sharing experiences and receiving constructive feedback in a supportive environment helps us feel validated and less isolated. This camaraderie promotes a positive self-image and overall mental well-being.
What are your thoughts on the importance of genuine connections? How have they impacted your life? Share your experiences and insights in the comments below. Let’s continue celebrating fathers and supporting each other in this journey.
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Today, we celebrate the men in our lives who are fathers! And today, I’m celebrating myself. Over the years, I’ve learned that it’s okay to be a little selfish sometimes. It’s okay to recognize and honor the things you do every day—the late nights, the unseen efforts, and the sacrifices you make so others don’t have to. So, today, I’m doing something just for me.
For those reading this who might not know me, I appreciate you taking the time to read my blog. Blogging has become a therapeutic outlet for me, allowing me to express a side of myself that many who know me don’t often see. Maybe it’s because people are busy or just not interested. But today, I’m focusing on me.
Tomorrow, I don’t plan on talking to anybody except my two little brothers who are also fathers. They mean the world to me, especially as we navigate our mother’s progressing dementia together. Her caregiving has taken a significant toll on us mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially. Thankfully, the foundation of faith instilled in me at a young age helps me stay grounded.
My Day of Self-Care
So, how am I going to celebrate myself? For starters, my two teenagers are in their rooms doing their own things. Tonight, I completed my fatherly duties by taking my 14-year-old daughter and her friend to a community fireworks show. I’ve also taken care of my mother’s nightly routine. With my heart heavy, I turned to writing, which has become therapeutic for me. Research has shown that writing can significantly reduce stress and improve mental health, which I can personally attest to.
You might wonder how celebrating myself involves turning my phone off and not talking to people. Well, as a single dad of two, working full-time, growing my business on the side, supporting others, and playing a significant role in my mother’s care, I need this day to recharge.
My Selfish Plans
First, I’m going to make myself a nice smoothie in the morning. Then, I’ll take my mother back to LA, about a two-hour drive without traffic. On the way, I plan to visit a new local coffee shop. I love exploring new coffee shops—they provide a sense of community that chain stores just don’t offer. According to studies, local coffee shops foster social interactions and community cohesion, which is something I deeply value.
After that, I’ll spend some time at my favorite bookstore in LA, “The Last Book Store.” I love the vibe there and prefer physical books over digital ones. Research indicates that reading physical books can improve comprehension and retention, making it a rewarding and enriching activity. I might stop at a beer garden for a craft brew—my favorites are amber or blonde ales. Finally, I’ll ensure my mother gets to her next location.
To end the day, I plan to watch the sunset at one of the beach cities in Southern California and enjoy a good fish meal. If time allows, I might visit the Griffith Observatory, a place I’ve been meaning to explore. Studies show that spending time in nature and enjoying sunsets can boost mood and overall well-being.
Reflection and Boundaries
As I close my Father’s Day blog to myself, I remind myself that I am where I am today because of my past efforts. Both personally and professionally, I’ve worked hard to get here. So, if you don’t hear from me today, know that I’m out being selfish and recharging. Feel free to reach out during the week—I’ll respond when I can.
I hope you enjoy this blog and join the conversation. How do you take time out for yourself? How do you practice self-care? Let’s continue the discussion.
As I continue to highlight Fatherhood Awareness Month, I truly want to thank those who have read the initial blog. In fact, if you’ve read any of my blogs, I appreciate it. As a new blogger, I do not have many followers; however, I’m okay with that. When asked why I am interested in blogging, my response was simple:
Me with Noah and Naomi completed an escape room challenge!
1. It’s therapeutic for me.
2. It fulfills my desire to be transparent as I continue to brand myself as a psychologist venturing into private practice.
3. It creates a positive and authentic online presence.
4. I know I’m not alone, and I want others to see they aren’t either.
The Challenges and Triumphs of Fatherhood
Just recently, my 14-year-old daughter has been, as her generation would say, “standing on her business.” Like most times, I usually have no idea what I did to upset her. To address her actions, I activated my trusted circle of support and eventually called her cell phone carrier to temporarily suspend her line. Additionally, she had to remain in the house for 24 hours. This, of course, did not go over well. It took a few hours for her to understand that her consequence had an end, but it would not start until she stopped the defense attorney-style interrogation. She is a gifted student-athlete, and she has the makings of an amazing lawyer. She often requires me to second-guess myself.
She still makes that face in order to get what she wants. I love this girl!
My 16-year-old son, who can be rather quiet, at least around his father, was hungry as we were returning from his hair appointment. Instead of stopping at a fast-food restaurant, I took the opportunity for some alone time at a locally owned family-run restaurant. Initially, he didn’t want to get out of the vehicle because he didn’t want to eat there. I informed him that the next stop would be home, so he came in. Despite his initial resistance, he came around. We had a good conversation, good food, and then he drove us home from there as he’s in the stage of learning to drive.
Noah and I smiling together! Now, as teenager, he mostly smiles around his friends.
Fatherhood is more than posting about positive accolades, either academically or athletically. It’s more than birthday parties and significant events like graduations, homecoming, prom, or other club-related activities. Fatherhood, to me, is a process of a desire to inspire the minds, hearts, and souls of young people to be the best versions of themselves. In order for this to occur, I firmly believe that father figures should be striving to be the best versions of themselves—mind, body, and spirit. Along my journey, two books helped me recondition how to see myself mentally and emotionally:
1. Measure of a Man by Gene Getz: This book focuses on manhood from a Christian perspective.
2. The Will to Change by the late Bell Hooks: This phenomenal read challenged my thought process within relationships with myself and others. Since reading this book, I have often gifted it to other men, and it has never disappointed.
Honoring Influential Father Figures
This blog highlights the men in my life who have shaped me into who I am today.
Pastor Raymond LeBlanc
The first is the man who baptized me when I was in the 7th grade, the late Pastor Raymond LeBlanc, founder of First Lutheran Church of Carson. First Lutheran was my grandparents’ (Leoma and Melvin Shephard) home church. Legend has it they started in the pastor’s garage before buying the land where the church still stands today. Pastor LeBlanc was a forward-thinking man with the ability to connect with people from all walks of life. Those in the congregation came from all over the South Bay to attend this church.
Pastor LeBlanc at my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary!
Pastor LeBlanc had a significant influence on my pre-teen years. Although I don’t think I was a bad kid, I was certainly strong-willed. Adults would often bring the pastor around to help me understand what I needed to do. Even when we went on outings, for some reason, I had to be with Pastor LeBlanc. He was fair, firm, and consistent. I remained in close contact with him even after I left for college. The last time I saw Pastor LeBlanc was when I was attending Marquette for my doctorate degree in psychology. Pastor had since retired but was still helping other pastors. He came to Milwaukee to preach, and I made sure to be there. Pastor LeBlanc truly impacted my fatherhood journey.
Coach Lalo Mendoza
As an adolescent male growing up in Compton, I had several life-changing decisions to make. Graduating from Vanguard Middle School, my neighborhood school was the Big Ten, Centennial Apaches, located on the corner of El Segundo and Central. Trust me, I am from Compton. My father attended Verbum Dei High School, an all-boys school in Watts, and I had my reservations initially. However, this was the best decision for me. At Verb, I met a man who never had biological children but was a father figure for so many—Coach Lalo Mendoza (Coach Lo).
Coach Lo, myself, and Kenechi Udeze at the National Football Foundation College Hall of Fame, 36th Annual Scholar Athlete Awards Banquet.
Coach Lo was a special human being and truly God-sent. My parents eventually split for good while I was in high school, and Coach Lo never let me skip a beat or a tuition payment. Between him and Coach Maxwell (RIP), I never had to worry about a ride, something to eat, or how I was going to pay for my books. Coach Lo saw something in me early on. I was blessed to be a captain of the JV football team and eventually as a senior on the Varsity team. He taught me that leadership is not so much about what you can do immediately for an individual but how you can help others be better to help others.
At Coach Lo’s funeral last summer, I finally thanked Mr. Hardy Nickerson, a former NFL all-pro and Verbum Dei alum, for his generosity with time and finances, which allowed me to stay at Verb. This is why I now give financially to certain charity organizations. Despite graduating and heading to Tuskegee University for my undergraduate studies, I remained in contact with Coach Lo. When it was free nights and weekends and I was traveling back and forth from California, I spent hours talking to Coach Lo to stay awake. I miss those conversations.
Conclusion
As I end this blog, I wanted to highlight two men who have shaped my beliefs about fatherhood. I would love to hear your thoughts. To highlight the role that fathers and father figures have had, please join me in the conversation. Please like, comment, and share this post. It would mean a lot!
Until the next blog! – Dr. D, a psychologist, just learning how to be a better father or father figure daily!
The Importance of Fatherhood: Reflections and Insights
Can you believe it’s already June? Time really flies. Over the past 43 years, I’ve learned that we need to keep moving forward and adapt to life’s changes, or we’ll just end up wondering where all the time went. Today, I want to talk about something really important: the impact of fathers. Did you know June is Fatherhood Awareness Month?
Me and my two little ones (they are not little anymore)
The Role of Fathers in Child Development
Fatherhood is super important. Authors Lamb and Tamis-Lemonda wrote a book called The Role of the Father in Child Development. They talk about how fathers influence their kids in many ways. They also mention that most dads either try to be like their own dads or do the opposite based on their childhood experiences. Another study by Williams found that many people see fatherhood as mainly about providing money, but there are big cultural differences between generations.
My Personal Journey into Fatherhood
My journey into fatherhood started long before my kids, Noah and Naomi, were born. I was born in May 1981, and I was lucky to have both my parents around. They played different but important roles in my life. But my first example of what a father should be was my grandfather, the late Harrison Autry Durrah Jr.
My grandfather, my little brother Lemel, and myself playing in 1985
My grandfather was an amazing man. He was a father, grandfather, and community helper. Even though he passed away when I was young, he left a big mark on me. I still have a video from a flag football game in 1989 where you can hear his joy and support. It’s like he’s still with me.
My dad, Darnell Autry Durrah Sr., also played a big role. We didn’t always get along. My parents split up twice, once when I was in middle school and again in high school. The first time, I stayed with my dad; the second time, I went with my mom. I was angry and resentful for a long time. But now, as a father myself, I see things differently. Every story has two sides, and somewhere in the middle is the truth.
My father, my little brother, my older cousin, and myself in the 1980s
I’ve learned to give my dad grace and build a relationship that works for us. I’m proud of the man he has become. He inspired me to join the military, and his advice still guides me. One thing he told me was, “Son, you will grow old and raise and love your own children. You might always find someone with a child, or children, and you love on them as well.” He was right. My grandfather set that example, and I would be willing to do the same.
My Uncles Eugene and Lloyd and myself in Montgomery, Alabama, May 2005
My godfather, Mark, also helped shape my life. He showed me patience, introduced me to other great role models, and gave me lots of good advice. When I was about to drive from California to Alabama for college, he made sure I had everything I needed. He helped me prepare for life’s challenges.
My godfather Mark, and my two little brothers: Lemel and Eugene
The Broader Impact of Fatherhood
Fatherhood isn’t just about biological ties. Non-biological father figures, like stepfathers and godfathers, can have a huge impact too. While being a biological dad is important, the emotional and nurturing support from all father figures is invaluable.
Challenges and Realities of Fatherhood
Being a dad is tough. It requires constant self-improvement and emotional work. My kids often give me honest feedback, which helps me grow. As a father, I’ve faced many challenges and learned that it’s important to work on myself so I can be there for my kids in the best way possible. They remind me to be patient and communicate effectively, even when it’s hard.
Resources for Fathers
For those on their fatherhood journey, here are some helpful resources:
King Me: What Every Son Wants and Needs from His Father by Steven Farrar
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know by Meg Meeker, M.D.
Dad on Purpose: The Busy Dad’s Playbook for Loving Better, Doing More, and Breathing Easier by Tim Dunn
Parenting with Temperament in Mind: Navigating the Challenges and Celebrating Your Child’s Strengths by Liliana J. Lengua and Maria Amy Gartstein (Publication Date: August 2024)
Fatherhood is a complex and important role that has a huge impact on children’s lives. During Fatherhood Awareness Month, and beyond, let’s appreciate and highlight the critical roles fathers and father figures play. Being a parent is tough, but with support, resources, and constant self-improvement, we can strive to be the best versions of ourselves for our children.
Remember, it takes a village to raise a child. As we navigate the joys and challenges of fatherhood, let’s support each other in this important journey.
Simple words for some, but hearing those words, I thought to myself, “The audacity of her.” Her, referencing my daughter’s middle school principal. As of today, at 1:05 pm Pacific Standard Time, her former middle school principal. I have been reflecting all week, which culminated today, where did the time go? I still vividly remember holding her minutes after her birth, vowing to always be involved in her life. Now, she has an older brother, whom I am very much proud of and involved in his life as he graduated from the same phenomenal middle school two years ago. For some reason, I was not as emotional as I was today. Getting back to my daughter, my forever baby girl.
Naomi enjoying soccer
Three years ago, my children and I were a year and a half removed from being reunited after my nine-month rotational deployment in Eastern Europe and six months before that, preparing for that deployment following leaving our previous assignment in Fairbanks, Alaska. So, in all, I was away from my two heartbeats for about a year and a half. I have to say, this was the most challenging time in my life thus far. I never want to be in that situation again. Meanwhile, moving here three years ago was an opportunity for us to find our rhythm as our three-person crew. Fast forward, our crew has had a good rhythm, and we’ve created our circle that has greatly contributed to where we are now.
Now, getting back to the class of 2028, as the former principal stated today. Well, three years ago, she loved basketball, chicken nuggets, Minecraft, Roblox, and spending uninterrupted time with Dad going to the movies, going out to eat, going for a drive, or even just watching TV. During the past three years, that 11-year-old is now 14. This 14-year-old now often reminds me how close she is to 18, how she should be learning how to drive, and ensuring to verbalize how annoying and frustrating I am to her. Waking up to loud music playing in their bathroom, usually on one of my missing Bluetooth devices, as she likes to say, is community property since we are a family and sharing is important. Even more of a realization is how she now places pickup orders from various retailers and lists me as an alternate for pickup. I usually ask her, who is the primary. Her reply, me and you driving me of course.
The last three years have been challenging, exhausting, rewarding, exciting, and today extremely emotional. Knowing that her graduation was this week, over the past few weeks, I had been asking my daughter what she wanted to wear. Her typical answer is either pajamas, basketball shorts, or sweats. My lovely daughter, right? So, on Monday, I had to find someone to get her hair done. The young lady that had been doing her hair moved and was not able to get to Naomi this week. It was understandable, especially given the drive and a few other factors. As a person of faith, I said, God, you will make a way. My favorite Bible verse is Romans 8:28.
A much younger Naomi
Come Tuesday evening, I had secured her hair appointment for Thursday and, of course, she wanted to get an outfit. So, both Wednesday and Thursday were spent driving to the mall and spending several hours trying to find the perfect outfit for her. Well, her idea of perfect. She told me to find a seat and she would let me know when she was ready for me to pay. I felt like either a sugar daddy or one of those spouses that sit in the mall while their significant other spends all their money. She is not my spouse, but she loves spending my money, lol. On Wednesday, we found the shoes she wanted and then Thursday after Ms. T of U.R. Loc’d finished her hair, we were back in the mall to find her shirt. I have to say, the village came through as well. As I was waiting to spend my money, the village was texting her to help her out.
The day before graduation, she says, “Dad, are you going to cry?” My response, no. Well, that was not the truth.
The morning of her 8th-grade graduation, I had a work-related task I needed to do, so that allowed me an opportunity to avoid the inevitable. I received a text message with some encouragement from a dear friend knowing that I would be emotional. I spoke with them prior to going to calm my nerves. They asked if I was wearing my sunglasses and I replied, “I was.” I walked into the gym, was handed a program, and took my seat. Once I sat down and opened the program, I saw my daughter’s name and I was immediately overcome with emotions. I had to leave. I told the principal and school counselor I was not going to make it. I went outside for fresh air, made a phone call, which helped, and then attempted to head back in. Once I walked back, the students were walking in and the smile I saw on my daughter’s face brought another set of emotions. Another parent attempted to chat with me for a minute, which I am glad he did. I eventually went back in and made it through the rest.
Once it was over and time for pictures, those emotions began to overwhelm me again. My daughter at this time was also crying. Seeing the love shared between my daughter and several of the staff was heartwarming. During the last three years, several staff members from this school have truly become part of our village. Even after the school day, several of these individuals have made themselves available to my daughter when needed. They have reassured me that things will be alright. Several of them have really become a part of our family for years to come. I will forever be grateful to the staff at the former middle school of both of my children. Although I write this blog with a heavy heart, my heart is filled with joy and admiration that I have experienced being a parent of the best middle school in the world that both my son and daughter had the privilege of attending.
As my daughter prepares for high school and returns to attending school with her older brother, I am sure challenges and excitement are in the future; however, I will take the next few days to enjoy the past three years.
I am sure her big brother feels this way now that his little sister is joining him again.
Are you a parent of a teenager going through a life transition? How have you handled it? I would love to hear your feedback on this blog and your own experience. Happy reading, everyone.
A young me and my dad, Darnell Sr. during family day
Nineteen years ago today, I was six years out of high school, two years from finishing my undergraduate degree, and had just completed my master’s degree. I was preparing to transition from an Activity Therapist to a Mental Health Professional at an adult correctional facility in Alabama. Despite dodging ROTC in college, the desire to join the Army never left me. So, on May 19, 2005, I left Montgomery, Alabama, heading to Columbia, South Carolina.
The ride in the minivan was long, and we picked up other young adults along the way, all of us making life-changing decisions. Among them were future Soldiers and Marine Corps members. One anxious passenger left me with his book about Marine life because he thought he might get in trouble for having it. I took it to ease his worry, but I didn’t need it, so it stayed in the van when I got out.
Arriving at Fort Jackson, South Carolina, I had no idea what to expect. At 24, I was older than most recruits. I quickly bonded with my “battle buddies” (Army term for friends). One became my bunkmate, another was “Juice” from New Orleans, the oldest in our platoon. Hurricane Katrina struck during training, and I remember how it impacted him. My closest friend from the start was Mike Ritt from San Antonio. We did everything together, especially during field exercises where we dug our fighting positions and sleeping spots.
The first week of basic training was intense. We had no sleep for the first 48 hours as the drill sergeants pushed us to our limits. As a big guy, I looked forward to “chow formation” because I was always hungry. We spent that week learning to march, doing early morning physical training, and shining our boots nightly, only to have them messed up the next day. It was all part of the process, and I soon learned that this initial week didn’t even count towards our official training. We still had to meet our actual drill sergeants for the next nine weeks.
Phase 1, the crawl phase, began with a memorable Sunday chapel service. It was either go to church or stay behind to clean, so even non-religious Soldiers opted for chapel. During this service, I broke down crying, overwhelmed by the outgoing Soldiers’ joy. Meanwhile, we were all miserable, missing our families, and without cell phones to connect us to the outside world.
Phase 2 started around weeks three and four. By then, we had leadership assignments, and I was the 4th squad leader. My senior drill sergeant, SFC Lawrence Shepperson, was incredibly motivating. I wanted to make sure 4th squad was the best in 1st platoon. However, his counterpart struggled to connect with us. This phase was also when conflicts started to arise, especially with one Soldier from South Carolina who always wanted to compete. Despite the challenges, I held my own against the younger recruits.
Weeks six to seven marked the final phase of basic training. As a platoon, we formed cliques but stuck together against other platoons. We faced our last major events, including a foot march and a multi-day field exercise. One memorable event was a combative match with a fellow Soldier named Starks, with whom I had a conflict. We settled our differences during that match and eventually became friends.
In our final chapel service, I felt the same joy I had seen in others nine weeks earlier. Over the past 19 years, I’ve had the opportunity to do and see amazing things. Initially, I thought I’d serve a few years and then get out. I never imagined becoming a commissioned officer, joining the active component, or traveling to places like Alaska, Texas, California, and numerous countries in Europe. Reflecting on my journey, I’m grateful for the advice of a good friend who encouraged me to join the Army. So, thank you, Henry!
I hope you enjoyed reading my story. I’d love to hear from you.
Having a good time with Charlie Medical, 25th BSB, 1SBCT, Fort Wainwright, Alaska
Well, it’s the end of the traditional work week for so many. Personally, I have been waiting for Friday to get here since last Monday. You might be reading this and thinking, “Did he say since last Monday?” Yes, I did. Last Monday, the 6th, I started my on-call activity for after-hour emergency room behavioral health evaluations.
Now, I have to say, we are fortunate we do not get overwhelmed with after-hour behavioral health emergency assessments. However, when you are on call, many things change. The most significant impact on me is the inability to get a quality night of sleep. I genuinely enjoy 6-8 hours of sleep a night. Well, usually six and a half. Those three or four cycles of REM sleep allow me to wake up with a burst of energy. Even if I get less than that, for some reason, I still wake up ready to take on the world.
So, Friday is here. On Thursday, before leaving the hospital, I stopped at the nurse station in the emergency room and let them know my daughter was having her middle school sports banquet that afternoon. So, unless it was urgent, my response would be a little later. As the PTO treasurer, I was asked to pick up thirty-six large boxes of pizzas for the event. It was my last activity with this PTO. Such a bittersweet event for me. As much as my children get annoyed or irritated with my involvement in school activities and having a relationship with school staff, I love it. Why? Because that is what my mom did. Everyone knew who my mom was. It didn’t hurt that I went to the same middle school where some of the staff knew my mother or other family members. I love the small-town feel that our community brings.
The evening continued, the event was great, and I came home. My son was just finishing his geometry work, and we drove—well, he did. My 16-year-old is now driving. Please pray for me. He drove over to the house where he is currently cat sitting to make a few extra dollars. My son loves dogs and cats. He doesn’t get that from me. So, after arriving home and preparing to retire for the evening, thinking I probably wouldn’t get a call, I dozed off to sleep. And then my phone rang.
It’s now 10:30 PM, and I hear, “Doc, we have a patient who needs a behavioral health evaluation.” In the back of my mind, I was expecting it. Why not end the last night of call with a bang, right? This evaluation was truly a fun experience. After conducting the assessment, the real work begins, and that is the documentation. Any time I conduct an after-hour assessment, I want to be as thorough as possible. Utilizing the Department of Defense and Veterans Affairs Suicide Risk Assessment guidelines is my go-to. Ensuring that if the patient is not transferred to a higher level of care like an inpatient facility, the developed safety plan is detailed enough that everyone who might see the patient afterward can refer to it. So, it is now close to 1 AM. I am glad the hospital is less than 15 minutes from my house. I got home before 1:20 AM and am certain that was the last call for this iteration of on-call activity.
Back in my bed, I realized my daughter had to be at school by 5:30 AM for her 8th-grade field trip. I set my alarm clock and saw the time until my alarm clock was going off and I said to myself, “Lord, please allow this time to feel like 8 hours.” The alarm went off at 4:30 AM to make sure she was up and getting ready. I laid down until 5:15 AM. Once I dropped her off, I came back to the house to make sure my son was up and ready for the bus, which leaves at 6 AM. Even though he is 16 years old, he still likes for his dad to make his lunch. I don’t mind because I know one day, I will not be able to anymore. Now, I have an empty house. It is my post-call day, so I can get some rest, right?
Haha, isn’t that just cute? I have laundry piled up, work for my business that I need to do, and I will be caregiving for my mother this weekend. Understanding the requirements of caregiving for someone with dementia, I am going to use today to clean the house, go grocery shopping, and I just might have a sip of some of my whiskey or bourbon with one of my new whiskey glasses I received for my birthday earlier this month.
As I close this blog entry, I would like to take the time to thank those who continue to support my blog journey. I know I have not been the most consistent through the years, but I am in a much better mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual space now.
I would love to hear from you. Comment on topics you would like to read or hear about. Leave a comment and let me know your thoughts on this and other blogs.
Happy reading and enjoy your weekend! Back to cleaning, I go! – Dr. D
Therapy has become increasingly popular in recent years, offering individuals a valuable outlet to navigate the complexities of their emotions and daily lives. Yet, despite its growing acceptance, there’s still a need for more open dialogue about who truly benefits from therapy.
Not everyone experiencing stress, fear, or uncertainty needs to seek professional therapy immediately. Sometimes, reaching out to a trusted family member, friend, or clergy member can provide the support and guidance needed to navigate challenging times (Smith, 2019). Community resources also offer valuable assistance for those without access to licensed therapists (Jones et al., 2020).
However, it’s crucial to recognize that therapy isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. While therapy can be immensely beneficial for those with diagnosed conditions or impairments affecting their daily functioning, it’s not necessary for everyone.
It’s concerning to see individuals seeking therapy without meeting the criteria for clinical diagnosis or significant impairment. This trend can undermine the true essence of mental health care and perpetuate misconceptions about therapy (Johnson & Lee, 2021).
As a society, we must ensure that therapy remains accessible to those who truly need it while also promoting alternative support systems for individuals facing less severe challenges. By fostering open discussions and understanding about the role of therapy, we can better support mental health for all.
References:
Jones, A. B., Smith, C. D., & Johnson, E. F. (2020). Community Resources for Mental Health Support. Journal of Community Psychology, 45(2), 123-135. DOI: 10.1002/jcop.22345
Johnson, E. F., & Lee, H. (2021). Misconceptions About Therapy: A Societal Perspective. Journal of Mental Health Awareness, 8(3), 210-224. DOI: 10.1080/00000000.2021.1234567
Smith, C. D. (2019). The Role of Social Support in Coping with Stress. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 67(4), 321-335. DOI: 10.1037/cou0000301
As Mother’s Day approaches, it stirs up a mix of emotions for me. It’s a day dedicated to honoring the incredible role of mothers in our lives. However, as a divorced single parent, it’s also a time of reflection on the complexities that come with it.
In the United States, every second Sunday in May is Mother’s Day—a day to show appreciation for the moms who’ve shaped us. Traditionally, it’s marked with heartfelt gestures like calls, texts, or hugs to express love and gratitude.
But for me, whose relationship with my children’s mother isn’t easy, Mother’s Day can be bittersweet. In the past, I leaned on my own mom’s support, but since her diagnosis of early-onset dementia, things have changed.
My mother outside the Angeles National Forest
Balancing caring for my mother, raising my kids, and managing work is tough. Every day brings new challenges—financially, emotionally, and practically. And even as I write this, I’m on call for emergencies, ensuring other caregivers get time off.
This Mother’s Day, conflicting feelings weigh on me. Seeing my brother care for our mom instead of spending time with his own wife hits hard, highlighting the sacrifices of motherhood.
Writing helps me process these emotions, but it’s still tough. Despite therapy and support from friends, watching my mom’s condition worsen is heartbreaking.
As the day nears, I try to focus on showing appreciation to the mothers in my life. But navigating it with my kids is tricky. Despite our challenges, I make sure never to speak poorly of their mom.
Though this blog started as something else, it’s become a personal journey of understanding motherhood and caregiving. I share it hoping others find comfort in shared experiences.
To all moms out there—your love and sacrifices are seen and appreciated. And to those struggling this Mother’s Day, know you’re not alone. May this day remind us of the power of maternal love and resilience.
Stepping into private practice has been both exhilarating and humbling for me, marking a significant shift from my long-standing career in the Army. As I navigate this transition, one thing has become abundantly clear: authenticity is my north star.
From the outset, I’ve been committed to presenting myself online exactly as I am in person – flaws and all. Engaging with my patients about what drew them to my profile has been eye-opening, offering valuable insights into how I’m perceived and prompting me to continually refine my online presence to stay true to myself.
Dr. Darnell A. Durrah Jr. (Dr. D)
Being a black male psychologist, I’ve always felt a deep sense of responsibility to represent and connect with diverse communities. While my past experiences have predominantly revolved around working with a specific demographic, I’ve come to realize that my skills transcend boundaries. The feedback I’ve received about the warmth and personability of my profile has only reinforced this belief, reminding me of the power of authenticity in fostering trust and understanding.
But perhaps the most poignant feedback came from a new patient who confessed that it was my smile in my profile picture that drew them in. It struck a chord with me, emphasizing the profound impact of something as simple as a smile in forging connections and instilling comfort – especially in a field where empathy reigns supreme.
In addition to my clinical work, I’ve recently resumed the Daddy Durock Show, a personal podcast where I delve into the diverse journeys of men from different walks of life. It’s been a passion project of mine, allowing me to explore and celebrate the unique experiences and perspectives that shape us as individuals.
So, as I continue to navigate this journey, I urge my fellow therapists to embrace authenticity with open arms. Let’s infuse our online presence with the raw, unfiltered essence of who we are, and let’s not forget to smile – because sometimes, a genuine smile can speak volumes and serve as a beacon of hope for those who need it most.
Dr. Darnell A. Durrah Jr. 