As I continue to highlight Fatherhood Awareness Month, I truly want to thank those who have read the initial blog. In fact, if you’ve read any of my blogs, I appreciate it. As a new blogger, I do not have many followers; however, I’m okay with that. When asked why I am interested in blogging, my response was simple:
1. It’s therapeutic for me.
2. It fulfills my desire to be transparent as I continue to brand myself as a psychologist venturing into private practice.
3. It creates a positive and authentic online presence.
4. I know I’m not alone, and I want others to see they aren’t either.
The Challenges and Triumphs of Fatherhood
Just recently, my 14-year-old daughter has been, as her generation would say, “standing on her business.” Like most times, I usually have no idea what I did to upset her. To address her actions, I activated my trusted circle of support and eventually called her cell phone carrier to temporarily suspend her line. Additionally, she had to remain in the house for 24 hours. This, of course, did not go over well. It took a few hours for her to understand that her consequence had an end, but it would not start until she stopped the defense attorney-style interrogation. She is a gifted student-athlete, and she has the makings of an amazing lawyer. She often requires me to second-guess myself.
My 16-year-old son, who can be rather quiet, at least around his father, was hungry as we were returning from his hair appointment. Instead of stopping at a fast-food restaurant, I took the opportunity for some alone time at a locally owned family-run restaurant. Initially, he didn’t want to get out of the vehicle because he didn’t want to eat there. I informed him that the next stop would be home, so he came in. Despite his initial resistance, he came around. We had a good conversation, good food, and then he drove us home from there as he’s in the stage of learning to drive.
Fatherhood is more than posting about positive accolades, either academically or athletically. It’s more than birthday parties and significant events like graduations, homecoming, prom, or other club-related activities. Fatherhood, to me, is a process of a desire to inspire the minds, hearts, and souls of young people to be the best versions of themselves. In order for this to occur, I firmly believe that father figures should be striving to be the best versions of themselves—mind, body, and spirit. Along my journey, two books helped me recondition how to see myself mentally and emotionally:
1. Measure of a Man by Gene Getz: This book focuses on manhood from a Christian perspective.
2. The Will to Change by the late Bell Hooks: This phenomenal read challenged my thought process within relationships with myself and others. Since reading this book, I have often gifted it to other men, and it has never disappointed.
Honoring Influential Father Figures
This blog highlights the men in my life who have shaped me into who I am today.
Pastor Raymond LeBlanc
The first is the man who baptized me when I was in the 7th grade, the late Pastor Raymond LeBlanc, founder of First Lutheran Church of Carson. First Lutheran was my grandparents’ (Leoma and Melvin Shephard) home church. Legend has it they started in the pastor’s garage before buying the land where the church still stands today. Pastor LeBlanc was a forward-thinking man with the ability to connect with people from all walks of life. Those in the congregation came from all over the South Bay to attend this church.
Pastor LeBlanc had a significant influence on my pre-teen years. Although I don’t think I was a bad kid, I was certainly strong-willed. Adults would often bring the pastor around to help me understand what I needed to do. Even when we went on outings, for some reason, I had to be with Pastor LeBlanc. He was fair, firm, and consistent. I remained in close contact with him even after I left for college. The last time I saw Pastor LeBlanc was when I was attending Marquette for my doctorate degree in psychology. Pastor had since retired but was still helping other pastors. He came to Milwaukee to preach, and I made sure to be there. Pastor LeBlanc truly impacted my fatherhood journey.
Coach Lalo Mendoza
As an adolescent male growing up in Compton, I had several life-changing decisions to make. Graduating from Vanguard Middle School, my neighborhood school was the Big Ten, Centennial Apaches, located on the corner of El Segundo and Central. Trust me, I am from Compton. My father attended Verbum Dei High School, an all-boys school in Watts, and I had my reservations initially. However, this was the best decision for me. At Verb, I met a man who never had biological children but was a father figure for so many—Coach Lalo Mendoza (Coach Lo).
Coach Lo was a special human being and truly God-sent. My parents eventually split for good while I was in high school, and Coach Lo never let me skip a beat or a tuition payment. Between him and Coach Maxwell (RIP), I never had to worry about a ride, something to eat, or how I was going to pay for my books. Coach Lo saw something in me early on. I was blessed to be a captain of the JV football team and eventually as a senior on the Varsity team. He taught me that leadership is not so much about what you can do immediately for an individual but how you can help others be better to help others.
At Coach Lo’s funeral last summer, I finally thanked Mr. Hardy Nickerson, a former NFL all-pro and Verbum Dei alum, for his generosity with time and finances, which allowed me to stay at Verb. This is why I now give financially to certain charity organizations. Despite graduating and heading to Tuskegee University for my undergraduate studies, I remained in contact with Coach Lo. When it was free nights and weekends and I was traveling back and forth from California, I spent hours talking to Coach Lo to stay awake. I miss those conversations.
Conclusion
As I end this blog, I wanted to highlight two men who have shaped my beliefs about fatherhood. I would love to hear your thoughts. To highlight the role that fathers and father figures have had, please join me in the conversation. Please like, comment, and share this post. It would mean a lot!
Until the next blog! – Dr. D, a psychologist, just learning how to be a better father or father figure daily!
Dr. Darnell A. Durrah Jr. 